I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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