You work out of a Hotel?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
