Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
