Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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