at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize