when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
