who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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