I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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