I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
