he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
