I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
