8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
