Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
