OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
