does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
