From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
