He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize