Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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