i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
