why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
