just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
