Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
