garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
