I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize