Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
