yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
