i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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