It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize