I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
