I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
