Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
