I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
