I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
