I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
