Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
