i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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