1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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