My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize