remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
