think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
