I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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