She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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