I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
