Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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