You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
