Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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