I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
