isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
