CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
