Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
