I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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