the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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