What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
