I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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