He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
