also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
