I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
