I look better un-naked...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
