All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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