One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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