Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
