I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
