Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize