Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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