Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
