Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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