I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
