i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
