Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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