Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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