my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize