it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
