the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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