I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
