i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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