she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize