fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
